


The Reason

by shadowsamurai



Category: Star Trek: The Next Generation
Genre: Angst, F/M, Friendship, Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-06-16
Updated: 2012-06-16
Packaged: 2017-11-07 21:09:17
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,471
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/435485
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/shadowsamurai/pseuds/shadowsamurai
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>He knows the reason for his treatment of her, but how can he possibly tell her now the situation seems to have spiralled out of control?</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Reason

**Author's Note:**

> Spoilers for Generations and First Contact. There are a few things that make this story up. One is when Picard is in the Nexus, where to my over-active imagination, his 'wife' looks a lot like a certain doctor. The second is the obvious tension between Picard and Crusher in First Contact (well, it's obvious to me!) And the third is at the end of FC when the Vulcans land - look behind Riker, Cochrane and Geordi and you'll see Picard and Crusher standing extremely close together. And then there's the look Troi gives Crusher before they beam back to the Enterprise.

Disclaimer: I don't own anything, I'm just borrowing things for a while and I promise I'll put everything back exactly how I found it when I've finished. Well, almost exactly how I found it. ;)

JLP-BC-JLP-BC-JLP-BC

Picard remembered spinning and he hadn't like it. He didn't like playing games, and he hated not being in control. But he hadn't felt threatened; in fact, he had felt quite safe, though he had no idea what was going.

Suddenly whatever was over his face was lifted and he squinted as his eyes adjusted to the light. There were children in front of him; *his* children. Picard didn't know how he knew that, he just did. And then a hand caressed his cheek…his wife…was it…?

Picard remembered looking up and feeling an irrational surge of misery when he saw it wasn't her. His wife was similar, certainly; long, red hair, tall, fairly slender, a well defined face but not sharp. But it wasn't her.

It was at that point, almost twelve months ago, that Picard had realised he still loved Beverly Crusher, that he admitted the hold she still had hold of him. And he was hard pressed to find a good reason why that made him angry. If he had been a different man, Picard would have fought Jack Crusher for Beverly's love. He might have won, but she wouldn't have loved him any more for it; quite possibly, she would have loved him less.

And Picard knew Crusher did love him; she always made it clear that if he was willing to try at a relationship, so was she. But Picard couldn't. He didn't know what was stopping him; it certainly wasn't Starfleet regulations. Yet after nearly ten years since they had become reacquainted aboard the *Enterprise*, their friendship was at almost breaking point.

And it was all Picard's fault. When he left the Nexus with Kirk, even while they were fighting Soran, all Picard could think about was Beverly, and how he had thought, deep down in his heart, that she would have been his wife. He thought that was what he wanted. Had it been someone else because Beverly already had a family? But in the Nexus, it shouldn't matter. Picard wondered if that was why he was angry; he *knew* he wanted Beverly, yet his heart was trying to tell him different.

From the moment the shuttle had collected him from the planet's surface to the moment he arrived at space dock, Picard didn't utter a word to Beverly. He treated everyone with the same cool reception; most put it down to the loss of the *Enterprise,* and Troi particularly took it quite hard as she was 'driving' at the time. But Beverly wasn't stupid. She knew something else was going on and every time she tried to talk to Picard about it, he made some excuse and left.

The new *Enterprise* was built and equipped quickly, and the crew soon fell back into their old patterns and routines. Except Picard and Crusher. By now, everyone had noticed the tension between the two; Riker even tried to broach the subject with Picard once. He never tried it again. He had to visit sickbay to get his head reattached after Picard had bitten it off, or at least that was how Riker felt.

Soon after that, Beverly corner Picard in his ready room and demanded to know what was going on, while tearing a strip off him at the same time for his despicable treatment of his first officer. Picard had been on the verge of apologising to Riker, and to start trying to make amends with Beverly for his behaviour, but when she started snapping at him, something snapped in him.

Picard found himself shouting back, blaming Beverly for everyone, even down to his capture by the Borg. Even when he knew he had crossed the point of no return, even when he had hurt her more than he ever wanted to do, Picard kept yelling. He had lost control and he had no idea how to get it back. Beverly helped him.

She told him if her presence disturbed him so much, she would tender her resignation immediately. Picard's reply was swift; he wouldn't accept it. The following silence was tense as Beverly tried in desperation to understand what was going on. Finally she gave up, nodded to him curtly and turned to leave, but not before telling him that if he ever spoke to her like that again, she would resign without his permission.

Time passed without incident. The crew had learnt to ignore the coldness between the Captain and the Doctor, though at times it was unbearable. Then the *Enterprise* was ordered to patrol the Neutral Zone while the Borg attacked Earth. They defied their orders, destroyed the cube and then followed the sphere back in time.

When they found Lily on the surface, when Beverly inoculated them all against radiation poisoning, there was a moment when she felt things were back to normal between herself and Picard. But it was only a moment and it passed all too quickly.

When the Borg took over the *Enterprise,* Lily got separated. She found Picard, who then took her back to Beverly. His spiteful comment about finding what she had lost almost earned him a slap around the face. Then he insulted Worf, and Beverly knew something was seriously wrong with Picard, something that had nothing to do with the Borg.

When it was Lily, not Beverly, who persuaded Picard to blow up the ship, the Doctor felt jealousy building in her, the kind that made her want to scratch someone's eyes out. If they were indeed to be stranded in the past, it seemed that Beverly would have to let go of her dream that one day, Picard would tell her he wanted to take that chance on a relationship with her.

But they weren't stranded. Picard and Data managed to destroy the Borg while keeping the *Enterprise* more or less intact. And suddenly, Picard seemed different, more like his old self, and Beverly didn't know why.

Until they were stood on the planet's surface, watching the Vulcans making first contact with Cochrane. Beverly stood at the back of the group, letting Picard have a last few moments with Lily if he wanted. But instead, he joined her.

"I feel I owe you a most sincere apology, Dr Crusher," Picard said quietly. "I know my behaviour towards all of the crew has been intolerable for a while now, but towards you it has been particularly unfair. I don't expect you to forgive me, but I would like the chance to explain."

Beverly turned to look at him, once again glad of their similar heights as she felt it gave her a better view of his eyes, which, as always, told her everything she needed to know. "Now, Captain?"

He smiled at her. "Is there a better time?"

"Oh, I don't know. Several months ago wouldn't have been so bad," she replied quietly.

Picard sighed. "I deserved that, and no doubt I deserve so much more, but please hear me out first." And so without waiting for a reply, he launched into an explanation of the Nexus and how his feelings had confused him, and how the whole situation had escalated in the most stupendously stupid fashion. He talked low and quickly, his eyes never leaving the scene unfolding before him between the Earthers and the Vulcans, but his attention solely on Beverly.

When Picard finished talking, Beverly just smiled at him. "A simple 'I'm sorry' would have sufficed, Jean-Luc, for now at least," she told him.

"Perhaps, but I wanted you to understand."

"Then you could have saved it for breakfast, or dinner, when we'd have more time to talk about it."

Picard swallowed, realised Beverly was, once again, making the first move for him. "How about dinner, Doctor? Tomorrow? Or perhaps a late supper when we get back today?"

Beverly half smiled. "I'll think about it and let you know." But before she looked away, she winked.

"I'm going to say goodbye to Lily." Picard studied Beverly. "Do you mind?"

Beverly looked surprised. "You don't…."

"I know, but the last thing I want to do is upset you further," Picard said seriously.

Beverly nodded in understanding. "No, I don't mind."

Picard smiled and walked away. He spoke with Lily for a moment before kissing her on the cheek and making his way back to the away. His eyes locked with Beverly's for a brief second, and it was like the last twelve months hadn't happened. When he turned and ordered the *Enterprise* to beam them up, he missed the questioning look Troi gave Beverly.

Beverly nodded slightly in return. Yes, everything was fine now.

FIN


End file.
